Year in Review

Another year gone. Not sure what happened to 2009.

Actually, I am sure. It went something like this: closed on new house on the same day I left my job to start a new one that didn't exist. Found myself on the dole (except that I didn't get any of my tax dollars - in the form of unemployment insurance I've been paying since I was 18 - back. It's because I'm a Republican, I know...). Searched for a new job for 4 months. Got married. Moved to Abu Dhabi and spent the last six months of the year getting used to living in the "dessert." Again.

A quick review of my goals for the year, then, as in January 2009 I'd posted them for all to see(and by all, I mean the few people who still use MySpace):

1) Get married, buy house, picket fence, start on 2.5 kids. Shooting for 9/9/09.

Check Got married. Because of the move to Abu Dhabi, Kimberly and I moved the event up a bit. If you didn't get the news (or the invite, for that matter), it's because we didn't want to offend anyone. So we offended everyone. The two of us, just the two of us, spent a lovely Saturday afternoon getting hitched on the Old Town Alexandria waterfront. As one friend said, it was "your wedding and your marriage, and thus you had the right people involved." She also suggested I toss in a "fat 'bite me' to anyone that's offended."

Anyway...happily married. Practicing on the 2.5 kids, but none on the way.

House? Check. Got the new place. It's now rented. Trying to sell the condo in DC. So glad Obama has turned around the housing market so I can sell the place quickly.

2) Get back into the gym. The last six months have made me fat and lazy.

Yeah. Still fat and lazy. I have, however, found a gym in Abu Dhabi. There's a guy from the Emirati royal family who works out there. I don't like talking to people in the gym, so I give him a head nod every morning, but that's about it. Maybe next year I'll say hello.

3) Advance my career. Whether with the current firm or elsewhere...

Yep. Definitely elsewhere. The short version: I resigned my position at Diligence to take a position contracting for the USG. The same bureaucracy that chased me away from the Agency the first time got in the way of my return to government work. Of course, I didn’t find out about said hiccup until I’d already left Diligence.

Good Harbor is a good gig, even if I had to move back to the Arabian Gulf.

I guess I should consider myself lucky that Obama's stimulus plan kept me from continuing as part of the 10% of the US population he said would no longer be unemployed if only he could spend more money.

4) Photography:

I don't take enough pictures. But I document Kimberly's hotness. So that's enough.

5). More golf. More sports...I'm just happier when I play.

I've played more tennis than I had in the past 5...nay...15 years. Played a lot of golf before I moved over here. Need to play more.

6) 175-180 lbs. I don't need to go crazy and become a vegan or anything, but I should eat a bit healthier.

Right. I moved back to the Middle East. I eat meat and rice daily. I bought dinner for Kimberly and me at our new favorite Lebanese restaurant for 53 dirham. That's like $15. We have leftovers for lunch, too.

And Kimberly is learning how to bake. Trouble. Her peanut butter cookies are sick.

7) Read more. 2 books a month. Less time kicking Tabor's ass at facebook chess.

Still kicking Tabor's ass at facebook chess (though Landesman has my number, to be sure). Not reading enough. Unless you count that SRMBOK book, various Risk Management methodologies, and all the information I can find about current events in the UAE.

I'm going to read fiction book number 1 on the plane trip back to US for Christmas.

8) Train the dog. At 11 weeks, Athena knows sit, down, and wait.

She's older now. And pretty much still knows how to sit, down, and wait. Shake. Speak. Annoy. She's definitely go the last one down. But she's an awesome dog...

9) If I make myself a better man in other ways, I'll be sure to offer that up in my 2009 scorecard.

I found a church. I've been spending a lot more time reading the Bible. I got baptized. I think that counts as "better man in other ways." Yeah. It definitely counts.

Not a bad year...

Movember. You killed my father. Prepare to die...

No need for a loquacious soliloquy. These stellar pictures speak for themselves. Suffice it to say at the beginning that a small group of us - Team Sand Stache - sought to raise awareness of Men's Health issues by letting the facial follicles grow throughout Movember (for more on the that, head there.

Some of Team Sand Stache. Apparently, the sports desk at The National also participated. Our effort was superior in every respect...


A goatee is not a mustache. This is clearly the Modified Handlebars - aka "sideburns on your chin" - and, without the hair on the chin, most assuredly a mustache.

Time to come off.

I can ride my bike with no handlebars, no handlebars, no handlebars...

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Kimberly thought it looked "slimy." Tell that to the six-fingered man. It looks awesome!

Your table, Monsieur, is ready. Said with a French accent.

Dad. Seriously. Get that thing off your face...

I'm a soul man. Di di da, di di da.

I am, yet again, done with the facial hair experiment. For a while, anyway. At least until Mustache March...

Movember Update

Not much on the funny side this month. Rather, I've been too busy to notice any of the humor in this place. Or, perhaps I've been here too long without a break and need a vacation.

1) A week trip to Oman doesn't count. Why? Because I spent the week doing Pipeline Security training. I also sat next to a guy who apparently didn't feel that a week of sitting in a hotel conference room required a shower. Or a change of shirts. By Thursday, I couldn't breathe. I, do, however, know all about the various tactics used by terrorists, extremist groups, tribal warlords, and just generally whack jobs in their efforts to attack oil/gas/water pipelines.

2) I know better than to volunteer for things. Especially, as we used to say in the army, those "opportunities to excel." Luckily for me, I've been voluntold for three or four extra curricular taskings at the office. Of the "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you variety," they could all be really great. But, they've also kept me at the office for much longer than I'd like. By the time I'm home, I don't even want to turn on my computer. Let alone write emails/blog updates.

3) Taking Kimberly (who's never been camping) plus two dogs (Athena and a dog we're watching while other people take vacations) on an overnight camping trip does not make for a restful few days. Actually, the time spent camping was fantastic. The prep work for it was not. We loaded up an entire car load of crap to spend less than 24 hours on the beach. I wanted a sleeping bag and some food. Instead, we had a tent, grill, table, chairs, sleeping bags, a cooler (to go along with the other two coolers the other two couples brought), and several miscellaneous plastic bags filled with changes of clothes Kimberly needed...er...wanted...to bring. Oh, and we brought a football (based on my general level of fitness...or lack thereof...you'll see that I needed the activity).

Still, it was a very nice day on the beach, and an excellent way to spend Thanksgiving weekend away from home. Because, really, it's tough to complain when, on 26 November, it's 85 degrees, sunny, and I'm throwing the long ball towards Iran in the Arabian Gulf.

Come December 1st, I'll save off the handlebars cum "sideburns on my chin" look I've been sporting for Movember. And, Kimberly and I will be back in DC in less than 4 weeks. Until then, I'm just going to pull up my beach chair, work on a few extracurricular projects for work, and catch some rays. For those of you dealing with snow, wind, rain, or just a simple chilly fall day, I've kept an extra chair open for you.

Come on in. The water's just fine.

Pics of the Middle East

For those of you hoping to see some spectacular desert sunsets, camel racing, mosques, oases, or other such stereotypical Middle Eastern fare, you'll have to wait for another blog.

This one includes some of the more humorous things I've seen since arriving. Do the pictures speak for themselves? Perhaps. In case they don't, I've added a few comments.

When I met Kimberly, I pretty much decided to spend most of my spare time with her. That included the once-daily hour I normally spent in the gym. So, yeah, I'm a little out of shape. I also remembered my weight gain of my first six months in Saudi. Heat, meat/rice meals, and the generally sedentary atmosphere of the Gulf will put 20 pounds on just about anybody. In Abu Dhabi, I promised myself I'd do a much better job. I thought about joining a gym (for those of you who followed my blogs elsewhere, you'll realize the gym is as much about blogging material as it is about fitness) as I imagined the fashion sense I might have seen in a gym filled with European expats and Middle Eastern men. It would have been AWESOME!!!

But with this...why bother going to the gym. I took the picture and decided to blog about the box.

Seriously. With the woman in the neon blue one-sy and the child molester in the short-shorts, who wouldn't want to buy this fantastic piece of equipment (note to Mom and Dad - this is sarcasm. Please do not read this as a suggestion to purchase this for your basement full of exercise equipment cum laundry hangers. The 1980s Soloflex is sufficient for both).

There's a giant Carrefour in Abu Dhabi. It's kind of like a Super Wal-Mart, though I haven't seen any of these people there. Groceries, carpets, appliances...and lots and lots of cheap clothing.

Apparently, people looking to buy such cheap clothing are not at all concerned with the fact that a) they're in Abu Dhabi, not Dubai; b) that it's not really a falcon on the shirt, but a Bald Eagle; and 3) that this majestic bird is a symbol of ole' fashioned American pride, not the precious bird of Arab (grammar police: in English, we either say "the Arab" or "Arabia". "Precious Bird of Arab" doesn't make much sense. But, then again, neither does this shirt...)

Some things do not transliterate well from other languages into English. "Saloon" is for drinking. "Salon" is for haircuts...and generally for women. Although in my more metro-days I may have gone to a Salon or two. And most certainly several Saloons.

I'd never tried a Moroccan Saloon, though, and was curious.

Notice the second line down. Golden Facial.

Not exactly a Golden Shower, but enough to make me nervous about stepping foot inside...

Lastly, I saw this.

Comments at Huffington Post (I read it. A know your enemy kind of thing...) seemed to focus on how sad it was that the Palestinian Zoo couldn't afford a real zebra. As usual, Arianna misses the point.

"Smuggling wildlife into Gaza came to international attention in March 2007 when EU officials...caught a woman trying to sneak in three live crocodiles. The toothy reptiles, each about 16 inches long, were taped to the woman beneath a loose fitting robe. The woman, who came under suspicion for appearing inordinately fat..."

Too bad she didn't use the Rowing Exerciser.

October Update

It’s been a while since I wrote, so I thought to drop a quick little update on September, my second month in the UAE. The short version:

1) Spent three 8 hour days dealing with the UAE DMV. You think the DMV is rough in the US, try explaining to an Emirati woman sitting behind a desk (while mostly talking with her friends instead of the customers…I know, not much different than the US in that respect) why “None” on a US Driver’s License can actually grant permission for someone to drive a car in the US.

Still, after 3 days, I have a Driver’s License in the UAE. Glad they're so strict about licensing, given the clown cars on the roads here.

2) It only took 2 months to get my UAE residence permit. I’m now officially an expat. Just in time for the World Series, real (read: American. Mostly NCAA, but I appreciate the NFL) football, and Fall. It was 108 today. 108. In October? That’s just silly.

3) I imported my bimmer into the UAE. Got it through customs by myself. Apparently, my Arabic isn’t as bad as I thought. It only took me 5 hours to work that magic.

4) RE: my poor Arabic. While driving to church on Friday, I was listening to the BBC in Arabic. “Blah, blah, blah, Obama, blah, blah, blah, Nobel Prize.” Stupified, I turned to my wife and said, “There’s no way I heard that right.” Then flipped to the English side of the radio dial and heard a Brit talking about how “Obama hasn’t really DONE anything to promote peace. He hasn’t closed Gitmo, troops are still in Iraq, he’s sending more to Afghanistan (bmw comment: maybe…), and the Russians are still doing a bit of nuclear knocking on Eastern Europe's door."

'xactly.

Yet somehow 5 retired (and mostly useless) Parliamentarians in Norway (which collects nearly 50% of it’s GDP through taxes, by the way) think the One deserves to join the illustrious ranks of Yassir Arafat, Jimmy Carter, and Al Gore.

5) I'm spending a lot of time in the desert. Last week, I had to stay here. So, Kimberly came down for a night and I took a picture of her on the beach. I'm leaning toward the color version, though the black and white (especially a larger version) looks pretty good too. Either way, I'm a lucky man.

Think that about covers it. Oh, and it's my birthday next week...in case you wanted to get me a ticket to come to the US to celebrate...

And you thought taking your shoes off was an inconvenience

I've got lots more to say about my last few weeks in Abu Dhabi (together with a few nice pics), but haven't had much time to get on the internet (for standard, living-in-the-third-world reasons).

But when reading an analysis piece on a terrorist attack in Saudi, saw something I'd not seen when I'd initially heard about the incident last week.

In case you missed it, a bad guy tried to assassinate Saudi Prince Muhammad bin Nayif, the Assistant Minister of Interior in Saudi (and counterterrorism bad ass...he has been largely responsible for the successes the Saudi's have seen - and there have, believe it or not, been successes - in their efforts against Al-Qa'ida).

I'd wondered how a suicide bomber had managed to sneak an explosive device past security. But, as I'd lived through the Al-Qa'ida attack on the American Consulate in Jeddah, I chalked it up to the inefficacy of the SANG (Saudi Arabian National Guard. Remarkably, it rhymes with Tang, for those of you needing some poetry or rap lyrics about the region).

It was not, however, laziness on the part of the Saudi Royal Guard (though I can't help but wonder why the #1 CT guy in the country is meeting with a known terrorist, straight out of Yemen, just because it's Ramadan. That would be like President Obama - not necessarily the #1 CT guy, mind you - meeting with somebody from Gitmo just because it was Christmas. And the guy saying, "I want to surrender personally to the President").

Instead, the terrorist hid the explosive device in his ass.

Thinking back on TSA's reaction to Richard Reed, I can only imagine the lengths to which we'll now be screened at the airport...

Wasaltu...

Arabic word o' the day: I arrived.

So much to write about, so little time.

Given that, I'll start with the randomness that is the Middle East. Try as I might, I could not find appropriate links to prove that this actually happened. But, while listening to Dubai Radio 2 (which apparently doesn't have it's own internet site) I heard a few interesting tidbits.

1) A truck overturned on the Abu Dhabi-Dubai freeway. It happens fairly regularly, even though the drivers here are MUCH better than they were in Saudi. It's still the Indy 500 with lorries (that's the everybody-but-Americans word for tractor trailer trucks) on the same road. So, there are accidents.

The surprise, then, came not from the accident, but rather what spilled off the truck when it overturned.

"Shut up. And another thing. How come I can't get no Tang 'round here"?

Yep. Everybody's favorite breakfast drink. Did you even know that stuff was still on the market? It's in full force here.

2) Dubai Radio 2 is all about Classic Hits.

I wonder, however, as to when the Backstreet Boys became Classic...

Tang and a little washed up Boy Band action. There's no accounting for good taste.

More next time on Sas al-Nakhl, al-Raha Gardens, Golf Gardens, and the ridiculous housing prices in this fair land.

See you next time.

ila qital...

Off to battle. Weird how random Arabic phrases are popping into my mind these days. I hope that more...lots more...of the language comes back to me in the coming weeks. I'll certainly need it, even if a large swath of Emiratis (especially those with whom I'll be dealing) speak English.

Because, yes, I'm heading back to the desert. Two years in Saudi wasn't enough, so I've elected to move back to the Arabian Gulf for more wonderment.

Last time I was on the Peninsula, I sent out mass emails. I'm not sure how many of my friends actually read them and how many just sent the note immediately to the virtual circular file (or, for that matter, how many got caught up in overzealous spam filters). This time, rather than bother those kind folks with unsolicited emails, I decided to start a blog. That, and perhaps my hubris allows me to believe that others, outside of my immediate family and group o' friends, will actually read this.

Because I plan to do several things here.

1) Inform on the daily (though don't expect a daily entry. I've got other things to do there) important happenings in the region. Things like this:

Sharjah po-po arrests Mr. T

2) I'll talk about my own travels and travails. In shah Allah, because the UAE is more welcoming of expatriates, I won't have to talk about things like this:

Radio's Save Lives

Because, while I won't be working for the US government this go-round, I'd prefer to not live through another terrorist attack on my work place. The one in Jeddah was plenty for me. Thanks.

c) To offer something resembling guidance for those expats looking to move to Abu Dhabi but were unable to find helpful information on the expat forums.

In the coming weeks, look for info on finding villas, shipping cars, and shipping pets. And, of course, look out for more stuff like this:

It's hot. Damn hot. You got a window, open it...

Giddy up...